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Created Apr 07, 2008 10:10AM PST • Edited Apr 07, 2008 10:10AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Perfect 5.0

   I’m biased – I love shark movies, and being a lover of shark movies, I can safely say that DEEP BLUE SEE is damn good. I know bad (SHARK ATTACK 3), and then is friggin’ fantastic. An surprisingly intelligent script coupled with actual actors who can act, DEEP BLUE SEA is complimented even more with the best sharks I’ve seen on film (and that’s counting the menacing, but still nonetheless awesome Bruce the Shark of JAWS {1975] fame).

4. Acting

   Great 4.0

   No complaints here; everyone was great. A-Level B-Level stuff. That make sense?

5. Male Stars Great 4.0

   Ladies and gentelmen, Sam Jackson’s prequel to SNAKES ON A PLANE. No acting required.

   On a different note, this flick was my introduction to Thomas Jane (THE PUNISHER, THE MIST), and all I can say is that I have total heterosexual love for the guy. Fantastic actor, and I look forward to watching even more from his body of work.

   Oh, and LL Cool J. God, he was funny.

6. Female Stars Great 4.0

7. Female Costars Great 4.0

8. Male Costars Great 4.0

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    Top leve stuff here, mate. Fantastic robotic and CGI sharks, fantastic music and directing – DEEP BLUE SEA has the feeling of top Hollywood budget & support; whereas, in fact, it was probably the bastard child of some Hollywood exec. who lost a bet and was coerced into making the flick. But, hey, I don’t care – greatness all around!

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

    It amazes me to say that DEEP BLUE SEA was directed by Renny Harlin, director of such recent trash like EXORCIST: THE BEGINNING (2004) and THE COVENANT (2007); but he does a pretty fine job in the director’s chair here. Tight editing, good camera angles/shots – Harlin’s best work (don’t even bother rebutting with DIE HARD 2, guys).

12. Play Very Good 3.5

    Not great – not like you were expecting anything of that sort – but definitely not lacking.

13. Music Perfect 5.0

    I LOVE the music from DEEP BLUE SEA! LOVE IT! From the fantastic opening, Trevor Rabin’s (SNAKES ON A PLANE) fantastic score is just that – fantstic. I feel a bit like David Tennant’s Doctor Who by saying ‘fantastic’ so many bloody times, but I firmly believe it applies here. I regret to say I don’t yet own the score, but I implore you to download a track from iTunes (if it’s around there).

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5

    Frakken’ awesome. Seriously, awesome. As a nine-year old kid when I initially saw this, the visuals freaked me the hell out – terrified me of the water moreso than JAWS (and I was – and stil am – a avid JAWS fan). I’m happy to report the visuals are still up to spec and as awesome as ever.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 2.0

    Disney’s bid to make DEEP BLUE SEA was outbidded, so their version of these walking, talking sharks going to school and going to work, complaining about their days and romance was scrapped in lieu of a more dense, tougher movie. The sharks, too, were pissed off about this news, and decided to go on a eating rampage (thus resulting in this movie’s many violent sequences).

17. Sex Innocent 1.1

    Zata, zilch.

18. Violence Fierce 2.4

    Carnage!!!

19. Rudeness Salty 2.5

    You got your obligatory swearing. Wouldn’t you if you had this frakked up day?

21. Reality

    Supernatural 3.2

    As a nine-year old, this was as real as it got to me. However, not so much with the whole real part here. Or maybe I’m wrong – for all we know, “friggin’ sharks with friggin’ laser beams attached to their friggin’ heads!” are only days away.

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.4

23. Biological Supernatural 3.6

24. Physical Surreal 2.7