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Created May 28, 2010 06:18PM PST • Edited May 30, 2010 01:39PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Perfect 5.0

   A comet crashes toward Earth, turning all machines into homicidal killing machines, annihalating every person in site. A couple survivors holed up in a truck stop with no power are all that stands against the machines….and Emilio mothafuckin’ Estevez is packing explosives.

   Add to that the greatest fucking homicidal trucks ever, the most awesome death scenes since the Friday the 13th flicks, and a soundtrack comprised solely of the greatest rock band of all time, AC/DC, and you’ve got one of the most badass movies ever made!

4. Acting

   OK 2.5

   The acting is OK. There are good actors, mediocre actors, and just fucking awful actors, so you’ve got a bit o’ everything.

   Of the good performances, the best actor was Emilio Estevez. I’m a huge fan of the guy, love almost every movie he’s done, and let me just tell you, as an Estevez fan……this is BY FAR his best performance. I mean sure, he was great in Young Guns, the Mighty Ducks, The Outsiders, and St. Elmo’s Fire, but in here…he is pure badass. This is the movie where he stopped being a teen misfit and became a man. Seriousely, he kicks ass, and delivers some of the best lines, my favourite being “Jesus is comin’ back, and he’s PISSED!”. Also, his ending line when he fires the grenade launcher is just awesome. Laura Harrington is also very good as the female lead, and has great chemistry with Estevez. Pat Hingle plays a great asshole, lol.

   Of the bad actors, the worst by FAR is Yeardly Smith (Lisa from the Simpsons). She’s fat, ugly, and annoying, and I don’t particularly like her too much.

   And the true stars are the trucks. They kicked ass, and could demolish that Herbie douche bag any day.

   Everyone else did pretty f]good, but didn’t really stand out.

5. Male Stars OK 2.5

6. Female Stars OK 2.5

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    The film has pretty good quality, and still holds up pretty well to this day. No complaints here.

11. Direction Good 3.0

    Good direction by Stephen King, especially since it was his first, and only, directorial endeavor. He really should direct another movie.

12. Play Good 3.0

    It’s pretty campy, but you gotta love the one-liners.

13. Music Perfect 5.0

    The soundtrack is composed ENTIRELY of AC/DC, the greatest rock band ever. That just screams awesome.

14. Visuals Good 3.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 2.7

    This movie is DEFINATELY not for the young’ins!

17. Sex Titillating 1.8

    Some implied stuff, and a few innuendos, nothing too bad.

18. Violence Savage 3.9

    This is where the movie dominates! EVERYONE gets jacked in awesomely gruesome ways. The shining moment is when about five trucks run over a whole little league baseball team! Now THAT’S Stephen King at his best!

    And the ending showdown is something that no one should miss. It’s epic awesome.

19. Rudeness Salty 2.4

21. Reality

    Fantasy 5.0

    The science is ridiculous, there’s NO logic, and it’s campy cheesiness galore! What do you think?

22. Circumstantial Fantasy 5.0

23. Biological Fantasy 5.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0