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Created Dec 20, 2009 05:36PM PST • Edited Dec 20, 2009 07:25PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Great 4.0

   Oh my god! A crappy remake of a crappy movie gets a 4? Could I be seeing things How can this be possible? Well you’re seeing right, and yes, it is possible. My Bloody Valentine 3-D has the best part right in the title: 3-D. I don’t care what any reviewer says- the 3-D was incredible. There’s pick axes flying in your face, blood splattering everywhere, and yes, even a 3-D sex scene. But what if you don’t see this in 3-D? Well, that’s fine. What’s great about this movie is that it uses prosthetic body parts and blood, just like in the old slasher flicks. It’s like an ode to Friday the 13th. The reason preventing me from giving this a five is how in the beginning, it looks like a cheesy film that doesn’t take itself too seriously. I really enjoy those kinds of movies. But then in the middle, it starts to take itself way too seriously, and then you have a horror drama. Not the best thing for a movie like this. Otherwise it’s very fun to watch, and it’s well done for what it is.

4. Acting

   Very Good 3.5

   Let’s face it. In a movie like this, the acting should be bad. It should be tons of screaming and thats about it. But because it started taking itself too seriously, the acting got a little too chliche-drama for me. I can forgive them though, because of the awesome bloody effects.

5. Male Stars Very Good 3.5

6. Female Stars Very Good 3.5

7. Female Costars Very Good 3.5

8. Male Costars Very Good 3.5

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    Let’s face it… the quality of the film is terrible… but its just so much fun to watch! The dialogue wasn’t even enjoyable, but other than that, the music fit in well, and the visuals were fun to see.

11. Direction Good 3.0

12. Play OK 2.5

13. Music Great 4.0

14. Visuals Perfect 5.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Horrid 4.5

    What I love about a movie like this is that all it needs is sex, violence, and profanity to replace the story. This movie has a lot of that. There is a short sex scene (explicit though) and after that, the nude woman runs arounf for about 5 minutes of the movie. The violence is 80s horror movie style cheesy, but still quite grisly. And of course there’s a lot of profanity.

17. Sex Explicit 4.6

18. Violence Monstrous 5.0

19. Rudeness Nasty 4.0

21. Reality

    Surreal 3.0

    What most people don’t get is how reality doesn’t matter at all in these kind of movies. It’s like how Jason and Micheal never die. Just like them, the killer in My Bloody Valentine doesn’t seem to want to die. The deaths are also pretty surreal, but who cares? It’s clean eeerr dirty, bloody fun!

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.4

23. Biological Surreal 2.7

24. Physical Surreal 3.0