ViewGuide

Created Sep 12, 2007 06:35PM PST • Edited Sep 12, 2007 06:35PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   OK 2.5

   A number of fighters are invited to DOA, an invitational martial arts contest. They travel to the tournament island by plane, until they have to jump out mid-flight with parachutes, and then have until sundown to reach the main island to be entered into the tournament. Fighters are then pooled against one another in a knock-out style tournament, with the loser of a battle sent home, and the winner progressing to the subsequent round. The plot revolves around four female fighters who begin as rivals, but subsequently find themselves teaming up against another force. (From IMDb because I cannot tell you the plot. I still don’t know what went on.)

   “DOA” doesn’t have much in terms of plot. Actually, they pretty much tell you to shut the fuck up the whole time and watch the stunt people work their magic. The action is some of the greatest action scenes that I have seen, and probably the most B-movie fun I had since “Snakes on a Plane,” but that doesn’t make “DOA” a good movie. When the action is in fact awesome, everything else isn’t.

4. Acting

   Pretty Awful 0.5

   The acting sucks. Regular B-movie shit here.

5. Male Stars Pretty Awful 0.5

6. Female Stars Pretty Awful 0.5

7. Female Costars Pretty Awful 0.5

8. Male Costars Pretty Awful 0.5

10. Film

    Good 3.0

11. Direction Good 3.0

    I’m going to give some direction acclaim to the guy/girl who directed “DOA” (I’m too lazy to look up the name). They could have done Michael Bay styled-scenes, but instead, they pay homage to your favorite B-movies, grindhouse flicks, and exploitation kung-fu flicks.

12. Play Pretty Bad 1.5

    I’ll pass on the dialogue.

13. Music OK 2.5

    The score isn’t half bad, but I said the same thing about the movie

14. Visuals Perfect 5.0

    Finally, a five. The action and the visuals were the best part of the movie, nuff said.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 2.5

17. Sex Innocent 1.4

    Two blonde chicks sleep in the same bed, and nothing happens. FUCK!

18. Violence Savage 4.0

    The violence isn’t gory at all, but there sure is a lot of asskicking.

19. Rudeness Salty 2.0

    There are some gay jokes here and there, but most of it is pretty stupid.

21. Reality

    Fantasy 5.0

    Yeah. None of this could happen. It’s pretty much faker than Britney’s Spears VMA performance.

22. Circumstantial Fantasy 5.0

23. Biological Fantasy 5.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0