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Created Apr 22, 2009 01:14PM PST • Edited Apr 22, 2009 02:45PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Barely OK 2.0

   “Crank” plays like a prolonged-head trip, a nauseatingly sustained piece of action remarkable mostly for its obvious sense of trying. Jason Statham stars as Chev Chelios, a professional assassin poisoned by his rival (Jose Pablo Cantillo) who must attempt to keep his adrenaline levels extremely high in order to survive through his revenge attempt on the aforementioned Verona, lest he perish as a result. The collaboration of writer-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor shows a proud lack of subtlety as it careens through its narrative, permeating homophobia, racism and unpleasantness throughout and, thus, hoping to satisfy the cravings of an audience one suspects is somewhere between teenage and undemanding a viewer. For anyone else, the methods employed by the film will come off as transparent, such admittedly devilish sequence as in the use of another person’s dismembered hand to pull the trigger on a handgun having some kind of appeal, but not the one that leaves one forgiving the movie’s simple ideas of generating tension and pace. Tension = Slow-motion, while Pace = Whip-smart MTV-style overlaid cuts in the filmic world Neveldine and Taylor have concocted, while little can be said of any intelligence “Crank” brings to the thriller genre because it brings, well, none at all.

4. Acting

   OK 2.5

   Performances among the cast can be classified as appealingly self-aware or bland, with lead Jason Statham swishing between the two, continuing to show the range of the proverbial blank canvas. As an action star, he fits the bill, filling the kinds of roles one once expected Vin Diesel and Dwayne Johnson to attempt. He looks the part and “acts” the part, though that ain’t necessarily a good thing. In the film’s cavalcade of tarts and bimbos, Amy Smart shows up as Chev’s obligatory fuck, and possesses the film’s greatest claim to charm (whatever that’s worth).

5. Male Stars OK 2.5

6. Female Stars OK 2.5

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    OK 2.5

11. Direction Barely OK 2.0

12. Play OK 2.5

13. Music OK 2.5

14. Visuals Good 3.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 2.7

17. Sex Titillating 2.5

18. Violence Fierce 2.5

19. Rudeness Profane 3.1

21. Reality

    Glib 1.6

22. Circumstantial Glib 1.6

23. Biological Glib 1.6

24. Physical Glib 1.6