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Created Mar 28, 2009 03:49AM PST • Edited Mar 28, 2009 03:49AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Awful 0.0

   In 21st Century cinema, there are awful comedies and then there are those comedies directed by Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, possibly the two most incompetent hacks working in Hollywood today. Inexplicably, their movies almost always manage to strike box office gold despite their dirth of humour, wit, talented performers and pretty much everything else that goes into the making of a worthwhile (or at least partially skilled) production. Their idea of a spoof is to parade a bunch of look-alikes to characters from other, usually better films before the camera with a grating explanation as to who they are supposed to be coming right along with their asinine attempts at visual jokes.

   And so it goes for “Disaster Movie,” their worst achievement to date and one of the truest abominations of celluloid I have ever been unfortunate enough to see. Seltzer and Friedberg essentially bombard us with their same old failings, this time limply skewering characters from recent films as “Juno,” “Enchanted,” “High School Musical,” “The Dark Knight,” “Hancock,” “The Incredible Hulk,” etcetera. Upon all these soul-crushing attempts at spoofery come the long-since predictable fart and sex humour destined to appeal almost exclusively to teenagers of undiscerning tastes, desperate to have “comedy” packed up into a ludicrous, comfortable little box so that they may go home and reminisce fondly about how they once saw Carmen Electra wrestle and Kim Kardashian wrestle. And let’s forget about the “High School Musical” sing-along that appears, crudely commenting on priests-cum-rapists in a scene that confounds like everything else wrapped around it. No originality, no satire and no talent.

4. Acting

   Awful 0.0

   Actors have clearly been chosen depending on how much they can be made to look like protagonists or antagonists of the movies being “spoofed,” a statement that doesn’t need following up with any deep commentary on the appropriately dreary performances they all offer up. Suffice to say, none have much comic talent.

5. Male Stars Awful 0.0

6. Female Stars Awful 0.0

7. Female Costars Awful 0.0

8. Male Costars Awful 0.0

10. Film

    Awful 0.0

    The pits.

11. Direction Awful 0.0

12. Play Awful 0.0

13. Music Pretty Awful 0.5

14. Visuals Bad 1.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.5

17. Sex Innocent 1.4

18. Violence Gentle 1.3

19. Rudeness Salty 1.7

21. Reality

    Supernatural 3.1

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.1

23. Biological Supernatural 3.1

24. Physical Supernatural 3.1