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Created Jun 15, 2018 08:23PM PST • Edited Mar 27, 2020 01:20AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Barely OK 2.0

   Ocean’s 8 looked to be an upgrade over the played-out George Clooney – Matt Damon super caper series. Sandra Bullock and a never sexier Cate Blanchett hold up their end, only to be let down by a script that’s more flat spumante than bubbly Dom Pérignon. My theater twittered on occasion but never uproariously.

   Looks great, tastes bland you could say. While fine for a girls night out, it failed for a dude looking to be entertained by a cadre of hot women pulling off a $100 million caper. The ticket-taker asked to be informed if Bullock was better than Clooney. I replied she’d surely be better looking. Alas, looks aren’t everything.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

   Sandra Bullock & Cate Blanchett can lead any movie and I’d pay to watch it, Ocean’s 8 being sad proof.

   • Anne Hathaway doesn’t do it for me, especially as a world class beauty.
   • Mindy Kaling earns most of the movie’s laughs, though that’s not many.
   • Sarah Paulson is convincing but not engaging as a mom with an interesting side hustle.
   • Awkwafina stays on screen.
   • Rihanna gets little to work with, even though she’s arguably the biggest star in the cast.
   • Helena Bonham Carter is always great: a classic beauty who can act as well as Gielgud if needed. Sadly, her role is badly underwritten, along with most of the others.

5. Male Stars OK 2.5

6. Female Stars Great 4.0

7. Female Costars Very Good 3.5

8. Male Costars Barely OK 2.0

10. Film

    Barely OK 2.0

    Vogue fans and their sister fashionistas will naturally overlook Ocean’s 8’s manifold flaws in favor of its stylish scenery, celebs included, not to mention the gauche efflorescence that is the Met Gala.

    As to behind the camera talent, Gary Ross has written and directed great movies before: the original Hunger Games, Free State of Jones & Pleasantville, to name a few. He will again.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play Pretty Awful 0.5

13. Music OK 2.5

14. Visuals Good 3.0

    Disappointing visuals, especially given the panoply of wealth the film depicts.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 1.6

    Barely Risqué

17. Sex Innocent 1.3

18. Violence Gentle 1.5

19. Rudeness Salty 2.1

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.2

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.5

23. Biological Glib 1.6

24. Physical Glib 1.5