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Created Jul 15, 2017 12:50AM PST • Edited Jun 30, 2019 05:35PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Really Great 4.5

   Spider-Man hasn’t lacked great reboots, but this third is the greatest yet. It’s the most High School by far, if not the first set in that adolescent crucible. Mostly, Spider-Man: Homecoming benefits by being the first Spider-Man movie to be produced by Marvel, odd though that may seem.

   Marvel means a lot, a whole lot when it comes to superior superhero movies, not least having Robert Downey Jr. drop into the picture. Megawattage superstar power comes with him, and that’s without the miraculous Iron Man suit, which is now voiced by the Oscar-winning Jennifer Connelly. Megawattage.

   A homecoming dance looms large in Homecoming. But that’s not all on the homecoming front. Spider-Man comes home to Marvel in Homecoming, as the previous productions were driven by Sony Columbia. Mother Marvel knows best how to mount a Marvel movie.

   Jon Watts kinda came out of nowhere to direct this pillar of the Marvel canon, and hit a grand slam. But that’s Marvel’s model. Stick to the storyboards that have been refined over half-a-century of comic-book publishing, retain the tentpole stars, and surround them with underpaid talent yearning for their big break.

   Watts fits the rising talent profile, and proves that Marvel’s faith was well placed. His movie features half a dozen writers, not counting Stan Lee & Steve Ditko, who created Spider-Man back in the day, way back in the day. Watts clearly has megawattage himself. Can’t wait to see what he gives us in the first sequel.

4. Acting

   Great 4.0

   The third big-screen Spider-Man is easily the best, notwithstanding that Tobey Maguire and Andrew Garfield both started off great, then went downhill. Tom Holland starts a tick above, really great, so he’s already gained more altitude, and has Marvel fully in his court, which the earlier stars didn’t.

   Big Stars

   • Tom Holland looks like he’s gonna have more staying power than Maguire or Garfield. Full of boyish energy now, he’s easy to see as a wizened character actor in a few years.
   • Michael Keaton is one of the all-time great moviestars. Casting him as a Marvel movie supervillian is the most obvious 100%-right decision a movie exec could possibly make. If the villain fails, an action movie fails. Keaton crushes it.
   • Robert Downey Jr. is Marvel, at least on-screen. His Tony Stark could be the best ad-libbed character in movie history. Who’s better?
   • Marisa Tomei brings peppiness to Aunt May, an age-appropriate Aunt May if I may say. The fact that being age-appropriate also makes her MILFy as hell is simply gravy.

   Old Faithfuls

   • Jon Favreau sleepwalks through his Happy Hogan bits.
   • Gwyneth Paltrow’s Pepper Potts still fails to live up to her name.
   • Kerry Condon voices the Spider-Man suit. Yes, it has a voice.
   • Jennifer Connelly voices Iron-Man’s suit. Of course she does.
   • Chris Evans kids in cameos.
   • Stan Lee hollers from his apartment window.

   New Kids

   • Jacob Batalon is us, the earthbound shlubs who wish we were Spider-Man. He plays it well.
   • Laura Harrier is the dream girl of every underclassman ever. No wonder, she’s 27.
   • Zendaya is super-cute and way cool as the MJ for a new generation.
   • Tony Revolori plays a rich jerk and does it well. Plus Marvel tweaks DC by naming him Flash.

   Others in the HUGE CAST

   • Donald Glover improves any cast.
   • Hannibal Buress as a coach
   • Angourie Rice is bound to appear in future Spider-Man movies as Peter Parker’s love interest. Young Miss Rice has herself a career going, with this major casting following her featured role in The Nice Guys with Russell Crowe & Ryan Gosling.
   • Martin Starr underwhelms as a responsible adult.
   • Garcelle Beauvais is always a treat to see on screen.

5. Male Stars Really Great 4.5

6. Female Stars Very Good 3.5

7. Female Costars Great 4.0

8. Male Costars Really Great 4.5

10. Film

    Really Great 4.5

    I larb this film, larb it a lot.

11. Direction Really Great 4.5

12. Play Great 4.0

13. Music Really Great 4.5

    Can’t You Hear Me Knocking injects a hard rocking vibe right from the outset. You gotta wonder why most every music director doesn’t say, let’s start off with a Stones song.

14. Visuals Really Great 4.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 2.0

    PG-13 is observed.

17. Sex Titillating 1.6

18. Violence Fierce 2.5

19. Rudeness Salty 1.8

21. Reality

    Fantasy 4.1

    Quintessential Superhero Fantasy

22. Circumstantial Surreal 3.0

23. Biological Fantasy 4.2

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0