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Created May 12, 2017 10:44PM PST • Edited Jul 25, 2019 04:34PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Great 4.0

   Vol. 2 is a great time at the mall multiplex, if not the nearly perfect blockbuster experience that Vol. 1 was. Faint praise perhaps, but then this first sequel has nearly impossible shoes to fill, as the origin movie was so effortless in its joyous affectations. Still, a great blockbuster like this ain’t chopped liver, especially when it’s studded with LOLs and features an iconic Kurt Russell performance. Now to several other positives:

   • Kurt Russell opens the movie looking like he’s 29 again, a particular treat for those of us who remember him from back then. “De-aging” they call it in Hollywood. I call it great use of CGI.
   • Groot is just a wee sapling throughout the movie, making him even more beloved than in Vol. 1, though that didn’t seem possible going in.
   • The plot turnabouts are almost as convoluted as in Vol. 1, but much easier to follow. Familiarity helps, but the story feels more streamlined this time around.
   • This space opera features father-son issues that are worthy of the Skywalkers in Star Wars.

   The dings are few but significant.

   • Ennui replaces empathy after a while, given that the action is mere backdrop for non-stop irony. Thus the movie becomes less than fully embraceable by the second reel.
   • Dave Bautista rimshots many of the jokes with a cackle that grates more than endears.
   • Awesome Mix Vol. 2 isn’t nearly as awesome as Awesome Mix Vol. 1, though Brandy (You’re a Fine Girl) is a fine song, to be sure. My life, my lover, my lady is the sea. Absolutely.

   Guardians of the Galaxy V1 was one of the best blockbusters of the past decade. So what if it remains the better movie. Vol. 2 is a great movie in its own right. If it’s as low as the series dips, I can’t wait for Vol. 3.

4. Acting

   Really Great 4.5

   The Guardians of the Galaxy

   …are a thing as Vol. 2 starts, both in the story and in fandom.

   • Chris Pratt plays mostly human as Peter Quill / Star-Lord again, this time with daddy issues, superpowered daddy issues. Pratt’s well established now as a major moviestar.
   • Zoe Saldana’s Gamora is more bitchy than bitchin’ to me, but it’s clear why Peter would crave her.
   • Dave Bautista’s Drax the Destroyer is best in small doses. Unfortunately Vol. 2 overuses him.
   • Vin Diesel gets to voice Baby Groot this time, an even more infantile role than grown Groot in Vol. 1. Diesel doesn’t seem to deserve much credit, but it’s an adorable, even profound, character.
   • Bradley Cooper as Rocket, agreeably angry

   Kurt Russell – in a perfect Kurt Russell role – as Ego, the great paternal figure.

   +

   • Michael Rooker starts dour and ends poignant as blue Yondu
   • Pom Klementieff is quite affecting as Mantis.
   • Karen Gillan is cold as Nebula.
   • Elizabeth Debicki is supposed to be perfect as gold Ayesha.
   • Chris Sullivan wears it well as Taserface.
   • Sylvester Stallone is stout in the small role of Stakar Ogord. Hope to see more of Sly in Vol. 3.

   Cameos

   • David Hasselhoff as Peter Quill’s childhood idol
   • Stan Lee, reflecting on his previous cameos
   • Jeff Goldblum looking ahead

5. Male Stars Really Great 4.5

6. Female Stars Really Great 4.5

7. Female Costars Really Great 4.5

8. Male Costars Really Great 4.5

10. Film

    Great 4.0

    James Gunn wrote and directed Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 all by his lonesome, albeit working from the golden storyboards that are Marvel comics. His comedic touch isn’t as effortless this time, though he regularly hits the solar plexus, with tasteful touches in the nether regions. It’s masterful PG-13 filmmaking.

11. Direction Great 4.0

12. Play Great 4.0

13. Music Really Great 4.5

14. Visuals Really Great 4.5

    3D was way worth it.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 1.9

    Ravagers consort with cybersluts, making the PG-13 rating a serious thing.

17. Sex Titillating 1.6

18. Violence Fierce 2.1

19. Rudeness Salty 2.0

21. Reality

    Fantasy 4.6

    Fantasy aside, Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 is set contemporaneously, albeit in a galaxy far, far away.

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.9

23. Biological Fantasy 5.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0