ViewGuide

Created Apr 15, 2017 08:10PM PST • Edited Jul 17, 2018 11:53PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   Kong has no dong. It’d be too dangerous, which is why Legendary Pictures won’t go there, even with a post-modern blonde playing the strong woman who has a moment or two with him. Hey, how do we even know Kong is male? No dong, no proof. Beautiful Brie Larson may have had an I kissed a girl experience.

   Nor does Kong perform any bodily functions, other than downing a quick scoop of water, a scoop the size of a swimming pool sure, but that’s about it. Oh, he eats some calamari as a victory snack, but that’s really about it. Nothing comes out, that’s for sure. No peeing, no flatulence, no turds the size of semi-trailers.

   Such observations spring to mind given Kong’s impressively realistic look, notwithstanding how ridiculous he and the entire production are. Silliness aside, the movie works very well as popcorn entertainment.

   Its great cast starts with Samuel L. Jackson in his monthly movie. Then Tom Hiddleston & Brie Larson stoop to conquer enormous paydays. The great John Goodman and amusing John C. Reilly are also aboard.

   Thus Kong: Skull Island is a fine multiplex movie, worth it on the big screen, and the middle episode between Godzilla in 2014 and Godzilla vs. Kong in 2020. That makes it a big monkey, if not a great one.

4. Acting

   Great 4.0

   Samuel L. Jackson makes a movie worth seeing. He doesn’t make it must-see, but he’s always worth seeing, especially when he plays military. An Air Cav Colonel with a hard-on for combat is a tailor-made role for SLJ, who has 174 acting credits on IMDb and has long since deserved an Oscar. “Bitch, please.”

   Brie Larson proves her range by playing a fearless antiwar photographer, putting a tomboy spin on a historic bimbo role. Bravo for her! This quietly incandescent Oscar winner first jumped offscreen for me as Amy Schumer’s cuter, normal sister in Trainwreck.

   Tom Hiddleston is mostly a good-looking poseur as a British Special Forces male-model, er, officer. Hiddleston’s not my cup of tea. Probably not his fault, but there you have it.

   John Goodman & John C. Reilly are two of the greatest character actors of this or any other generation, working here with roles more derivative than distinctive.

   Other Notables:

   • Corey Hawkins continues the good work he started at Dr. Dre in Straight Outta Compton, here an egghead geologist.
   • John Ortiz underwhelms as the suit-on-site.
   • Toby Kebbell not only plays a soldier, but apparently also helped with Kong’s grimaces.
   • Shea Whigham jumps offscreen as a slightly wacko Air Cav Captain.
   • Richard Jenkins cameos as a powerful Senator back in Washington.
   • Terry Notary wore the high-tech monkey suit as Kong. Re rumors: EW.com on who played Kong

5. Male Stars Great 4.0

6. Female Stars Great 4.0

7. Female Costars Great 4.0

8. Male Costars Great 4.0

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    Skull Island is roughly the fifth King Kong movie, with many touchstones to visit, especially the gender-normative one about a comely blonde soothing a savage male beast. There’s also the beating on the chest and knocking planes from the sky. Skull Island clears these hurdles easily and stylishly.

    It gleefully stands on the shoulders of great and not so great movies of yore beyond the other King Kong movies, Apocalypse Now especially. To wit, Captain Kurtz’s name gets thrown around, while one lead’s name is Conrad, James Conrad. Plus the poster image silhouettes Hueys against a setting sun. See, history does repeat itself as farce.

11. Direction Great 4.0

12. Play Good 3.0

    Set during the benighted Vietnam War, Kong 5 steers Left in its exuberant portrayal of Ugly Americans. Cinematically speaking, Hollywood likes to have us throw our might around, more insane than inspired.

13. Music Very Good 3.5

14. Visuals Really Great 4.5

    Dinosaurs, imaginary reptilian monsters and a skyscraper-sized gorilla fill the big screen.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 2.3

    Lots of people die on Skull Island, a land of the giants where puny humans get their comeuppance.

17. Sex Innocent 1.4

18. Violence Savage 3.9

19. Rudeness Salty 1.7

21. Reality

    Supernatural 4.0

22. Circumstantial Surreal 2.9

23. Biological Supernatural 4.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0