ViewGuide

Created Jun 17, 2015 10:14PM PST • Edited Aug 03, 2015 10:58PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Good 3.0

   Goodbye to Entourage, a.k.a. Sex and the City for guys. Vinnie Chase, E, Drama, Turtle, Sloan the ultra babe – characters we’ve come to love. Then there’s Ari, who doesn’t care to be loved. Goodbye to them all.

   Ironically, the promotion from small screen to big wasn’t kind to Entourage. The fake moviestar and his faux entourage were reliably entertaining for half-an-hour each week traipsing thru the trappings of movie-stardom, yet are out of place in a real movie. The jump in weight-class might have worked if writer-director-creator Doug Ellin had a new idea to inject, but he didn’t so it doesn’t. Plus it’s not really funny.

   Yep, the main problem is it’s a comedy – not a comedy-drama – that’s not funny. Mean, yes, with several funny moments, like being in on an in-joke, the kind the cool kids share – more mean than funny.

   The large cast and huge retinue of celebrity cameos prove that more isn’t more, with acting that’s less than great at the big-screen level, notwithstanding all the charisma and bodacious sex appeal on display. The celeb drop-ins lend it lots of charm, but not nearly enough, even as some extend into fun costarring roles.

   Unfortunately, starfucking in the extreme isn’t enough all by itself, even if it all looks marvelous.

   The moral of Entourage: The Movie could be that you can make a feature film about a pretend moviestar, but you can’t have a successful big-screen comedy with pretend jokes delivered by TV stars.

4. Acting

   Very Good 3.5

   The Moviestar & His Entourage

   • Adrian Grenier looks the part of moviestar Vincent Chase, even if this is as close as Grenier will ever get to movie stardom. He’s a likable stud. Pretty much everybody likes Vinnie Chase.
   • Kevin Connolly made a career as his childhood buddy Eric Murphy, known as E to one and all. He gets to romp with several gorgeous Hollywood starlets in The Movie. Nice job if you can get it.
   • Kevin Dillon – Johnny Drama – injected some cinéma vérité as the moviestar’s far less successful brother, the truth coming from Dillon being the far less successful brother of Matt Dillon.
   • Jerry Ferrara got famous as fat little Turtle and has now remade his body while building himself perhaps the best acting career of any of them. He scores with Ronda Rousey in The Movie. Nice.

   His Broader Universe

   • Jeremy Piven as Ari Gold, strident as ever
     • Perrey Reeves as his wife
     • Nora Dunn as their therapist
     • Constance Zimmer as his rival
     • Scott Mescudi as Ari’s new assistant, not given much to worth with
   • Emmanuelle Chriqui looks fabulous as Sloan, E’s First Lady & baby-momma
   • Rex Lee as Lloyd, Ari’s chattel-like assistant, with Greg Louganis looking fabulous as his groom
   • Debi Mazar as Shauna, Vince’s loud publicist
   • Billy Bob Thornton as The Money from Texas
   • Haley Joel Osment as his dipshit son
   • Rhys Coiro as that crazy auteur who got them in trouble before
   • Martin Landau as Bob Ryan

   Cameos as fictionalized versions of themselves

   • Ronda Rousey sweetly plays Turtle’s girlfriend, memorably offering him a Home Run if he can last 60 seconds in the ring with her.
   • Emily Ratajkowski flashes little charisma and less cleavage as the girl of several Hollywood player’s dreams.
   • Mark Wahlberg, a.k.a. the real Vincent Chase, gets to introduce Hamster, a member of his entourage in a through-the-looking-glass moment.
   • Jessica Alba, Tom Brady, Jon Favreau, Armie Hammer, Piers Morgan, Nina Agdal, David Arquette, Shayna Baszler, Warren Buffett, Gary Busey, Andrew Dice Clay, Linda Cohn, Common, Mark Cuban, Baron Davis, Jessamyn Duke, Julian Edelman, Kelsey Grammer, Jim Gray, Rob Gronkowski, Calvin Harris, Thierry Henry, Terrence J, Cynthia Kirchner, Matt Lauer, Greg Louganis, Chad Lowe, Clay Matthews III, Maria Menounos, Alyssa Miller, Liam Neeson, Ed O’Neill, Mike Richards, Stevan Ridley, Bob Saget, Saigon, Richard Schiff, David Spade, George Takei, T.I., Steve Tisch, Mike Tyson, Pharrell Williams, Russell Wilson

5. Male Stars Very Good 3.5

6. Female Stars Very Good 3.5

7. Female Costars Very Good 3.5

8. Male Costars Very Good 3.5

10. Film

    Good 3.0

    Doug Ellin & Mark Wahlberg’s dream of moviestar nirvana doesn’t deserve the jump to feature film level, ironic given that that’s their film’s obsessive subject.

    Half-hour episodes once a week on HBO were one thing, stocking a 150’ luxury speedboat with a hundred bikini-clad babes is an idea that must’ve sounded greater in Hollywood than it delivers on the big screen.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play Barely OK 2.0

13. Music Good 3.0

14. Visuals Perfect 5.0

    The Cadillac Ciel 4-door convertible is the first interesting car Cadillac has made in forty years.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 2.7

    Sex ‘n’ Drugs ‘n’ Moviestardom: E goes full Vince. Did Kevin Connolly get paid more or less for that?

17. Sex Erotic 3.1

18. Violence Gentle 1.3

19. Rudeness Nasty 3.7

21. Reality

    Glib 1.3

    Only in a movie would these guys make a string of major movies.

22. Circumstantial Glib 2.0

23. Biological Natural 1.0

24. Physical Natural 1.0