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Created Oct 27, 2014 08:25PM PST • Edited Oct 27, 2014 08:25PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Good 3.0

   “We shouldn’t be here.” —Nina

   Ya don’t say? Wrong turn 2: Dead End is the sequel to the critically maligned 2003 original starring eliza dushku and….that guy who was in clueless and a bunch of other stuff? plus, who really pays attention to the subtitles on movies except to deter you from the ones you dont’ like. so the wrong turn saga (heaven help me i called it a saga) needn’t employ such concerns because despite being an enjoyable romp nobody will ever accuse it of being good. None of them. That aside Wrong turn 2: dead End exists…and its totally a lot of fun in a “Good/Bad” way that allows for a gorehound or a passing horror fan to sit down with a cold beverage and enjoy. not just that, but I’ll go so far as to include 2 things: 1) it’s more fun and entertaining than the admittedly schlocky original.
   2) it’s the best Wrong turn you’ll ever take (what? i can be punny too!)
   There’s not a lot to add to this review summary: it’s a reality show gone awry by way of cannibalistic inbred hillbillies gnawing away at the cast/wooded populous. Henry Rollins is there and there’s a lot of blood and laughs to be had if you’re in the right mood for a bad movie thats good in all of the right ways.

4. Acting

   Barely OK 2.0

   oh my. Henry rollins is surprisingly good. Texas Battle is serviceable (and has one of the best names ever). To be honest, it’s not terribly acted but it’s not terribly well acted either. It’s a direct-to-dvd cast that manages to uphold and occasionally exceed the standards brought to you by the people who made Wrong Turn (the original) and will continue to bring you- Wrong Turn 3: left for dead, Wrong turn 4: bloody Beginnings, Wrong Turn 5: Bloodlines, and Wrong Turn: Last Resort! (expect Dead Ahead, Dead Men Tell No Tales, Dead Silence, Sleep when You’re Dead, Death before Dishonor, and MAYBE blood wings to be future titles. Nicolas Cage may star in one too). the characters are likable or unlikable depending on how the script writes thwem and the cast manages to honor and respect the cardboard cutout layout. And the movie actually works better because the one-dimensionality of the characters makes you root for them survive or die in equal measure. Like i said, its a silly movie for fans of bloody silly movies. The fact that it happens to put a smile on your face is prize enough. thankfully the cast got the memo and play it exactly how you want it.

5. Male Stars Barely OK 2.0

6. Female Stars Barely OK 2.0

7. Female Costars Barely OK 2.0

8. Male Costars Barely OK 2.0

10. Film

    Good 3.0

    It isn’t a surprise to me (i’m a weird trivia machine/nerd like that) but to many it may be surprising to hear that this is the debut feature from Joe Lynch, who went on to do “Knights of Badassdom” and be one of the stars of “holliston” (alongside Adam Green, which is an amazing show). Although trivia doesnt necessarily back it up, one could see the seams showing where the original script was wedged into the whole “Lets make a wrong turn sequel” box and adapted. If that is genuinely the case, its amazing how well it turned out. The checklist: the direction is far and away better than 85-90% of direct to dvd fodder, and moreso for low budget horror. the cinematography is also leaps and bounds better than most; the forest looks beautiful even when smothered in grue. The script is self-aware enough to play each hand its dealt in such a way that it feels organically silly, never forced. the aspecial effects? smaller budget than the first but certainly before it fell into the tropes of “Meh they’ll buy it because its Wrong Turn put a mask on and kill already!” budgets that the last couple have had (i own the first 5 out of pure enjoyment. And my poor girlfriends disdain. So i know.) I can’t possibly say that it elevates itself much more than “good for what it is”, but it’s shockingly good for what it is. the firsdt time i ever saw this film i was pleasantly surprised, if that means anything.

11. Direction Good 3.0

12. Play Good 3.0

13. Music Good 3.0

14. Visuals Good 3.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Horrid 3.6

    what’s more shocking to you? two inbred hillbilly relatives having sex, or the fact that one of them is wearing the scalp of a former victim, “role-playing” as they do it? Answer that question and get back with me, because thats my only statement to say. It’s either for you or not. Mwahaha!

17. Sex Erotic 3.5

18. Violence Savage 4.2

19. Rudeness Profane 3.0

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.9

    Technically, a reality show in the woods isn’t far-fetched. Saying that, the cast of characters, while caricatures at times, feels very based upon the reality of casting decisions made by reality shows (or horror movies!). The violence is real even when it isn’t (you know what i mean), and the circumstances COULD happen (albeit unlikely). The movie never attempts to be more than a fun and gory time spent in the woods for 90 minutes; it’s never aiming to feel any more real than it has too. you can almost feel the film winking at you and saying “That was cool, huh? Wait a minute and we’ll be back with something more neat.” Horror is so subjective that its always difficult to recommend anything until personal tastes are discovered. but for a real yet proportionately exaggerrated good time, Wrong turn 2: Dead end will fill any hour and a half void.

22. Circumstantial Surreal 3.0

23. Biological Surreal 3.0

24. Physical Surreal 2.7