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Created Sep 17, 2013 11:37PM PST • Edited Apr 01, 2018 11:54AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   Less an LOL comedy than one that keeps you in a semi-sustained semi-grin, The Family has lots to like if not enough to love. Luc Besson’s Mafia satire does score easily and often, with major stars delivering most of its best lines. They each shine brightly, though not in the order you might expect.

   Michelle Pfeiffer shines brightest as an extreme Mob Wife, matriarch of The Family’s family. Her entire nuclear unit’s on the lam, led by husband Robert De Niro as – you guessed it – a major Mob figure.

   De Niro’s performance doesn’t disappoint even if it undershoots Pfeiffer’s. He does do that thing we’d all like him to do. You know, that thing. THAT THING. No? You’ll know it when you see it.

   The handful of LOLs are earned as much as from megastar delivery as wit. Pfeiffer – in particular – slays.

   Half the setups come from American Mafia movies: Goodfellas, Sopranos and so on. Whajja say? The Sopranos wasn’t a movie? Wiseguy. Know this: The more you know your Paulie Walnuts from your Billy Batts, the more you’ll savor this movie.

   The Family extends the Sopranos’ conceit to its satiric conclusion: a nuclear family loving with each other is spectacularly sociopathic with outsiders. They’re all enforcers. The teens try to get their way by double-crossing or threatening, the adults by bombing, beating and murdering. Consequences be damned.

   Each has their charming side underneath, especially as appealingly played by Pfeiffer, De Niro and two great youngsters young stars: Dianna Agron & John D’Leo. She’s hot and he’s cool. All are moviestars.

   The handful of terrific scenes are mostly delivered by mama Michelle and daughter Dianna.

   • Mother reveals to daughter that Father first took her in most unholy fashion, or at least location.
   • High school hottie inflicts major pain on a pimple-faced bully who intends to rape her, as shown in the nearby Dickhead boys get taught a lesson video.

   Don’t forget the great closeups of great moviestars: Robert De Niro and Tommy Lee Jones in particular.

   Luc Besson doesn’t have a career capper in The Family, but he’s sure got himself a successful satire.

4. Acting

   Great 4.0

   De Niro & Pfeiffer deserve to be atop because of stature and performance, but let’s start with “their kids”.

   Dianna Agron isn’t spectacularly beautiful; She’s not Michelle Pfeiffer beautiful. But she appears to have Michelle Pfeiffer acting talent, even the ability to flush on command. Now that’s acting. Hot too. Guess we shouldn’t expect anything less from Quinn Fabray.

   John D’Leo plays the Don’s son damn well. Well, he’s not exactly the Don’s son. His Dad ain’t a Don, that is. He’s a Capo, Caporegime to be precise. Well, precision ain’t exactly possible here. He may even be an Underboss. So to play his son is one hell of an accomplishment.

   Michelle Pfeiffer is the revelation, the brightest star in the movie by far. Actresses a generation younger than her wish they could mint a performance like Maggie from The Family. Has anyone else noticed that she’s making a late career specialty of Lady Macbeth matrons from spectacularly dysfunctional families? Last year’s Dark Shadows with Johnny Depp was Exhibit A.

   Robert De Niro delivers a gone-to-seed rendition of his Goodfellas heyday. With Scorsese producing, he’s in good hands. Great actors always deliver things other actors can’t. De Niro upholds that standard as Gio the Mobster, er, just call me Fred the itinerant writer.

   Tommy Lee Jones is classicly annoyed and stone-faced – just how we want to see Tommy Lee Jones – as the FBI handler who has to ride herd on a relocated criminal and his family.

   The enormous cast is then studded with lots of great Italian names.

   • Jimmy Palumbo as Di Cicco
   • Domenick Lombardozzi as Caputo
   • Stan Carp as Don Luchese. Carp doesn’t sound Italian, but Don Luchese sure sounds like a Don.
   • Vincent Pastore as Fat Willy. Pastore is better known as Big Pussy from The Sopranos.
   • Jon Freda as Rocco
   • Michael J. Panichelli Jr. as Billy the Bug
   • Paul Borghese as Albert

5. Male Stars Great 4.0

6. Female Stars Perfect 5.0

7. Female Costars Good 3.0

8. Male Costars Very Good 3.5

10. Film

    Good 3.0

    Luc Besson’s film never goes outside its high concept box, limiting its quality grade. Still, it has great fun bouncing off walls inside that box. We’ve seen every one of its angles time and again before, often with De Niro playing ’em, making their gentle satire an ongoing tickle.

    Besson no doubt chose Tonino Benacquista’s novel because it satires the French almost as much as the Americans, arguing about who has the best firewood and all.

    However, Besson is clearly more an action than comedy director, as his Transporter and Taken series prove.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play Good 3.0

13. Music Good 3.0

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 3.0

    Highly titillating, brutally violent and kinda nasty creates an ascending Sex – Violence – Rudeness pattern once unusual in comedies. Namely, the brutality and nastiness aren’t for the squeamish. Got it.

17. Sex Titillating 2.5

18. Violence Brutal 2.8

19. Rudeness Nasty 3.7

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.7

    Deeply surreal as satire must be, though the CircoReality spills well over in the supernatural. There are no historical do-overs or anything, though the entire premise is a satiric do-over of classic Mafia movies, so that counts as a do-over at the end of the day.

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.4

23. Biological Surreal 2.7

24. Physical Surreal 2.1