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Created Aug 03, 2013 01:54PM PST • Edited Aug 03, 2013 01:54PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   OK 2.5

   As a change of pace, I wandered into the theatre to catch this one. Denzel and Marky Mark are worth the risk, this time in the genre of bad guys south of the border, more bad guys north of the border, dalliances with romance and some extra credit for man card renewal if needed. The story doesn’t matter for this movie. A great myth around two guys working separately and for different reasons for departments in the US government tricked by a third, pulling off unreasonable stunts towards an impossible alls well that ends well conclusion. But thanks to the two lead actors, you don’t walk out. Marky Mark is a charming and funny cat, and Denzel performs his role without anger leaving you in the end hoping that they both get out of the mess they are in.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

   In movies this predictable you just hope for a scene or a moment that reminds you fondly about something else. If your lucky, the cast is stocked with someone or a few somebodys who can do that for you. In 2 Guns, it is easy with Denzel, Marky Mark, Edward James Olmos and Bill Paxton. Olmos will always be remembered for his days bossing, ever quietly, Crockett and Tubbs around and to this day he just seems to be the perfect boss. In this movie, he runs a drug cartel, no surprise, but somehow the whole Mexico deal feels more authentic when he is muttering commands. Bill Paxton seems more authentic now in any role now that he shivered and vomited on Apollo 13. And the unending banter between Wahlberg and Washington is simply refreshing. In aggregate you can look past the gratuitous violence and pithy story to a happy place.

5. Male Stars Good 3.0

   Denze (Bobby Trench)l and Marky Mark renew your Man Card covering the full range of what it means to be an American guy. Girl chasing, ball-busting, bad-guy chasing, repenting and forgiving fun, front to back. It’s becoming a habit to say that Marky Mark has chemistry with his co-star, and you notice that Marky grows on Denzel, who is initially skeptical of the pairing at the outset just like you the ticker holder. For his part, Marky Mark is forever young and energetic which we hope will survive our retirement because it is refreshing.

6. Female Stars Good 3.0

   Paula Patton plays Deb Rees who by the grace of God is a man magnet. She tries real hard in this movie and the role doesn’t ask much of her so her yet non-evident range is easily drowned out by the car scenes, the guy banter, and the gun fights. But she will get another role or two, and hopefully she will be asked to play something other than a double crossing lover which might be how it all ends in Hollywood for her if Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t decide to enter sports journalism or something.

7. Female Costars Good 3.0

   None to speak of although we all have winked at a waitress in a diner before so Margie Deberry must have done alright in that role.

8. Male Costars Good 3.0

   I enjoy the body of work from Bill Paxton over the years, but a highly placed government agent with crooked leanings and a Mississippi accent he is not. Never believable and never defined from the script, we just know that he was mightily wronged, mightily mad about it and gets what he deserves at the end. Olmos as Papi Greco is a touch more believable in his role as villain and I like the adaptation from the Hannibal Lecter gore-a-thons using a raging bull instead of a stampede of wild boars. He also perfectly fits Marky’s depiction of him making those lines more memorable for Wahlberg.

10. Film

    Barely OK 2.0

    The direction and production of this movie dilutes and distracts an already predictable story, and the talents of the cast. Strangely, albeit under different circumstances, I have been in every one of the settings and only the scene with Denzel and Marky Mark in the desert scrub where Wahlberg grazes Denzel does the movie come close to how those settings feel. It was as if they decided to shoot the movie in Alberta and Minnesota on sunny days. The story goes non-linear increasingly as the movie progress through its two hours, with frayed lines in each action scene, i.e., 4-7 guys shooting at Denzel and Wahlberg in traffic or dark buildings.

11. Direction Barely OK 2.0

12. Play Barely OK 2.0

13. Music Barely OK 2.0

14. Visuals Barely OK 2.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 2.8

17. Sex Titillating 1.8

    One woman, ten guys, no frat party…

18. Violence Savage 3.9

    too many guns but Russian Roulette scenes that come the closest in suspense to the original Christopher Walken scenes in Deer Hunter.

19. Rudeness Profane 2.7

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.3

    I hope to God it is not real.

22. Circumstantial Surreal 2.2

23. Biological Glib 2.0

24. Physical Surreal 2.6