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Created Dec 27, 2012 06:03PM PST • Edited Apr 21, 2014 01:49AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   A severely dated farce would hardly be worth watching now if it didn’t star Marilyn Monroe at her most incandescent. Even better, The Seven Year Itch features Marilyn standing atop a windy subway grate in a rather famous white halter dress – widely considered one of the iconic images of the 20th century.

   It is dated however – not especially LOL, and with pre-Mad Men sexual politics that aren’t conducive to copacetic 21st century marital relations.

   The story is obvious from the title. A New York husband of seven years fights the temptation to play around when his wife and son leave Manhattan for the summer. Wouldn’t you know it, Marilyn Monroe has just moved into the upstairs apartment and is eager for his company. Let the hijinks begin.

   The husband is more bad in mind than reality, imagining half a dozen women throwing themselves at him. He voices an ongoing inner monologue the whole time, most of it fantasizing that he’s vastly more appealing to women than he is, a horny Walter Mitty as it were.

   He’s not the show however. Marilyn is, as the living incarnation of his fantasies. To that end, she wears several fantasy dresses in addition to the iconic one. Pictured nearby is her making an entrance to Rachmaninov in a tight tigress gown, her blond locks slick and sophisticated. Fantasy fulfilled.

   Fans of Marilyn Monroe – and who’s not – or of screwball comedies, plus students of pop culture, will find The Seven Year Itch an often delightful salve.

   Two notes about the halter dress scene. First, it’s much more modest in the movie itself than in the stills. To wit, only in images like on the poster above does she thrust her hands into her crotch. Second, the scene went through several takes in front of an onlooking crowd in NYC, with husband Joe DiMaggio angrily standing by. Two weeks later, Marilyn and Joe announced they were divorcing. Fantasy finished.

4. Acting

   Great 4.0

   Marilyn Monroe is at her superstar peak in The Seven Year Itch, dazzlingly breathless, narcotically sexy and intellectually curious. Well, about that last one, she’s at least one hell of an intellectual name dropper. Parts like this no doubt burnished her reputation as a bimbo who loved brains. Finally, her superior comedic timing is on full display, an oft overlooked element of her massive success.

   Tom Ewell is the oh-so-tempted husband, a role he originated on Broadway. He plays him somewhat spastically. His stage roots show. Yet he ably shares close ups with Marilyn Monroe. So give him that.

   That said, Marilyn dominates. She’s simply incandescent next to her supporting cast.

5. Male Stars Very Good 3.5

6. Female Stars Perfect 5.0

7. Female Costars Great 4.0

8. Male Costars Very Good 3.5

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    Billy Wilder’s smoothly sophisticated direction makes the film more delightful than it has any right being. Starting with a most delightful opening credit sequence, he creates a lighter than air set of sequences that create maximum opportunity for Marilyn Monroe to shine.

    While the story and comedy are dated, the randy husband’s verbalized inner monologue is often brilliant, a parade of paranoid delusions alternating with lustful ideas that would be better kept in the id.

    As to the comedy, suffice to say it contains one pratfall too many.

11. Direction Great 4.0

12. Play OK 2.5

13. Music Very Good 3.5

14. Visuals Great 4.0

    Travilla – William Travilla – designed Marilyn’s dresses, including the iconic one. She once wrote him

    Billy Dear, please dress me forever. I love you, Marilyn.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 1.7

    The seven year itch never actually gets scratched. They simply didn’t go all the way in Fifties movies.

    However, Marilyn is a titillation machine par excellence.

17. Sex Titillating 2.5

18. Violence Gentle 1.0

19. Rudeness Salty 1.6

21. Reality

    Glib 1.3

    As a time capsule of mid-Century America, the movie includes such forgotten terms as “cigarette cough.”

22. Circumstantial Glib 1.5

23. Biological Glib 1.3

24. Physical Natural 1.0