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Created Jun 23, 2012 02:06PM PST • Edited Jun 30, 2012 03:39AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   OK 2.5

   An awkward title and stilted premise suggest an awkward movie. It is. It’s also very British. Imagine that.

   Its two strong leads can’t do much but look great. Well they can also sound great, which they do.

   Still ain’t enough, as we say here in the States.

   Back to the title, what’s up with the definite article? When did Yemen become the Yemen? Ah, those Brits.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

   Emily Blunt’s got the most bitching name and has endured a full LeBron’s ration of shit from me, till proving herself more than once. That’s why she gets a pass here.

   Ewan McGregor, her leading man, is better when he doesn’t have to lead.

5. Male Stars Good 3.0

6. Female Stars Good 3.0

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    OK 2.5

    Tough premise, not real attractive, and I say that as one of your more passionate salmon fans. Raw, grilled, ikura, you name it. I love me some salmon. Smoked! Can’t forget smoked.

    RomCom mixed with NatGeo could work, potentially. Just not here.

11. Direction OK 2.5

    Lasse Hallström has directed great films, especially My Life as a Dog. This isn’t one of them.

12. Play Barely OK 2.0

13. Music OK 2.5

14. Visuals Good 3.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.5

    British sex. Say no more.

17. Sex Titillating 1.6

18. Violence Fierce 1.6

19. Rudeness Polite 1.4

21. Reality

    Glib 1.1

    Gobsmacked at the sight of Muslims praying, an erudite scientist ejaculates to his London lawyer girlfriend,

    “I don’t know anybody who even goes to church anymore.”

    “Me either”, she replies.

    “Sundays are for going to Tesco.”

    Thus the sophisticated post-religious West meets the hyper-religious East.

22. Circumstantial Glib 1.2

23. Biological Natural 1.0

24. Physical Natural 1.0