ViewGuide

Created Oct 16, 2011 10:11PM PST • Edited Nov 29, 2016 10:41PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Good 3.0

   What happened at that Antarctic Norwegian outpost in 1982? Anybody who’s seen John Carpenter’s The Thing has reason to wonder. Matthijs van Heijningen Jr.’s The Thing – a prequel of the same name – answers the question in satisfying if not legendary fashion.

   So what if this well done homage isn’t the alien horror classic Carpenter’s was. It precisely introduces the Thing’s invasion of the American station, complete with bounding dog and two crazed Norwegians shooting from a helicopter. Fans of the original – we know who we are – crave the closure.

   Are the Norwegians in the copter human? Is it really a dog they’re hunting? Any of them could be the Thing, since the Thing mimics mammals. That’s its thing, so to speak. Knowing this and knowing the outcome – along with the Grim Trigger dynamic that leads to the outcome – makes for more than a little scream-out-loud horror fun at the movies, and several chuckles to boot.

   That said, pity it’s named the same as the original. I guess The First Thing would have been too audacious.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

   Joel Edgerton and Mary Elizabeth Winstead make an excellent couple to root for. He’s Kurt Russell-like, albeit without Russell’s gruff charisma. She’s every thinking-man’s dream girl and every thinking-woman’s ideal, a woman’s woman and a man’s gal. Like I said, they’re easy to root for.

   Edgerton’s easygoing manner belies his he-man presence, giving the Aussie actor a certain studmuffin quality. Playing American again – he’s an easygoing ass-kicker from Pittsburgh in Warrior – he’s a Cleveland Cavs loving American in The Thing.

   A word about his cheekbones: Wow. How high are they? Angelina Jolie could be forgiven for wishing they were hers.

   Winstead deserves great credit for playing an unglamorous role. Guess she’ll be more ladylike as Mary Todd Lincoln in her next movie.

5. Male Stars Very Good 3.5

6. Female Stars Very Good 3.5

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    Good 3.0

    Prequels are homages even more than sequels. Cinematic stalkers, they anticipate their target’s every move, every development, every motivation. The Thing meets that standard almost too well, functioning nearly as a replay (preplay?) of the original. Lacking much in the way of new ideas, it doesn’t approach the inventiveness of Rise of the Planet of the Apes, the gold standard of sci-fi prequels.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

    The Thing is Matthijs van Heijningen, Jr’s first feature. Guess that’s why he didn’t put his name in the title, like the legendary John Carpenter did.

12. Play Good 3.0

13. Music OK 2.5

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5

    The monster varied in size quite a bit from scene to scene. Perhaps that can be explained by its shape-shifting ability, but I suspect it is probably explained by the director’s desire to make as great a cinematic impact as possible. In any case, it distracted from the legitimacy of the story.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 2.8

17. Sex Innocent 1.2

18. Violence Monstrous 4.6

19. Rudeness Salty 2.5

21. Reality

    Supernatural 3.4

    Ten plus stunt players and nearly twenty puppeteers make the super natural. Puppeteers? Doesn’t sound too scary, does it.

22. Circumstantial Surreal 2.6

23. Biological Supernatural 3.9

24. Physical Supernatural 3.6