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Created Dec 12, 2010 12:13AM PST • Edited Sep 25, 2016 09:18AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   OK 2.5

   Worth seeing, albeit plenty disappointing, The Tourist proves little more than an exercise in high style. Ogling beauty, the movie fetishizes Angelina Jolie and Venice, its grand hotels, sleek wooden motorboats and tiny arched bridges a gorgeous platform for her turn as The Most Beautiful Woman in the World, supremely polished edition.

   La Jolie does the full Loren here: nonpareil statuesque features coiffed, costumed and bedecked like a movie queen of old. Crowds part and men goggle in her presence.

   However, she doesn’t pull off her British accent especially well, only one of the movie’s many flaws. For another, Johnny Depp doesn’t sell the dufus act. Most egregiously, The Tourist traffics in cheap humor, only some of which works. That and the story’s vapidity prove wearisome by the final reel.

   Go for the glamour, tolerate the preciousness, and be entertained. I was.

4. Acting

   Good 3.0

   Angie’s a great actress, not just a great beauty, but she shouldn’t play a Brit again, especially one named Elise. She pronounces it E-leez. Pooh-leez.

   Johnny D doesn’t play dumb well. As if to prove the point, his British accent works much better than Jolie’s when he finally pulls it out.

   The supporting players lag well behind:

   • Paul Bettany and Timothy Dalton aren’t on anybody’s list of Great British Actors, so given run-of-the-mill parts as here, the results aren’t especially charismatic or distinctive.
   • Steven Berkoff fails to nail the Goldfinger-like heavy.

5. Male Stars Good 3.0

6. Female Stars Great 4.0

   The ultimate glamour role? Angie wears it well.

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    Barely OK 2.0

    Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck not only has the best name of any recent director, he directed one of the great movies of the 21st Century. The Lives of Others trafficked in personal espionage, as does The Tourist, yet it also revealed a profound reality. The Tourist gives Henckel von Donnersmarck a big budget to amplify the personal espionage, albeit in a story unhinged from reality. Its exclusive focus on glamourous entertainment makes The Tourist nothing but rich cinematic junk food. La di da.

11. Direction Good 3.0

12. Play Pretty Bad 1.5

13. Music Pretty Awful 0.5

14. Visuals Great 4.0

    Venice, a most romantic city, gets its closeup here, and its flyover, and more than a few tracking shots. St. Mark’s Campanile (aka, the Venetian Tower) seems to be in every third one. Glorious.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 1.8

    Highly styled yet mildly risqué.

17. Sex Titillating 1.7

18. Violence Fierce 1.8

19. Rudeness Salty 2.0

21. Reality

    Surreal 2.5

    Over-the-top surrealism, big budget Hollywood style. At an rFactor of 2.5, it’s a little more screwed down than Wanted’s 3.3 supernaturalism. Neither is normal, so enjoy the ride or stay home.

22. Circumstantial Surreal 3.0

23. Biological Surreal 2.7

24. Physical Glib 1.8