ViewGuide

Created Sep 27, 2009 12:09PM PST • Edited Sep 12, 2010 12:04AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   OK 2.5

   High brow hokum, this long movie uses the Catholic church and its mythical enemies as foils for an overwrought conspiracy thriller. Even the marketing of the movie is a lie: See that demon statue come to life in the poster? Doesn’t exist in the movie. In fact, the movie – while based on a passel of lies – includes no supernatural beings whatsoever, notwithstanding the posturings of the poster and trailer.

   Still it’s reasonably entertaining and a capable diversion if you want to while away almost three hours on a plane. Ron Howard turns the heat up to simmer from the outset and maintains a potboiler tone throughout what could easily have felt like an overlong movie. With the reliably charismatic Tom Hanks on screen for much of that running time, the proceedings feel like they have more integrity than they really do.

   Vatican magic? Doesn’t exist. Movie magic? Absolutely.

4. Acting

   OK 2.5

   Tom Hanks, not given much to do other than jog and make fateful observations, nonetheless proves never less than watchable. He is, after all, a true blue movie star. The guy could make reading of the phone book interesting.

   A trio of other great actors do their best with similarly malnourished roles. Ewan McGregor, Stellan SkarsgÃ¥rd, and Armin Mueller-Stahl are charismatic performers who nonetheless have trouble rising above the largely pedestrian material they’re given here.

   Ayelet Zurer, as Hanks’ partner in intellectual sleuthing, delivers a respectable if not distinctive performance.

5. Male Stars Very Good 3.5

6. Female Stars Barely OK 2.0

7. Female Costars Barely OK 2.0

8. Male Costars Very Good 3.5

10. Film

    Good 3.0

    Ron Howard reanimates another Dan Brown conspiracy novel, and does so with consummate professionalism if not with completely satisfying results. The film depends on near continuous exposition about obscure symbols, societies, and rituals. That this doesn’t exhaust the viewer – and it doesn’t – is a testament to director and novelist.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play OK 2.5

13. Music Good 3.0

14. Visuals Great 4.0

    A large part of the appeal of movies like this are the peeks they afford into legendary sanctums such as the Vatican, even if significant parts of what they purport to show are bogus.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.4

17. Sex Innocent 1.0

18. Violence Fierce 1.8

19. Rudeness Polite 1.4

21. Reality

    Glib 2.0

    Dan Brown obviously has authority figure issues. Fortunately for him, he’s been able to use them as fodder for his vivid imagination, parlaying the results into tremendous worldly success. Ain’t life grand.

    Devout Catholics might take legitimate umbrage at his manifold libels of their Church. Hell, if the Illuminati really did exist in the present day, they too would have cause to be equally outraged. As to the former, I of all people carry no brief for the Church of Rome given its violent repressions back in the day. Still, truth is truth, and there ain’t much of it here.

    The movie’s many CircoReality liberties regarding the Church and the Illuminati are well debunked in a fascinating FAQ by Massimo Introvigne of CESNUR, the Center for Studies on New Religions.

    Science also gets perverted in the cause of this potboiler. Capturing anti-matter in a bottle to make a bomb? Not in this lifetime.

22. Circumstantial Glib 2.0

23. Biological Natural 1.0

24. Physical Surreal 3.0