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Created Aug 25, 2009 05:34PM PST • Edited Dec 06, 2009 07:16PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Bad 1.0

   By far the worst video game adaptation ever. Plus, this film officially begun the start of bad video game movies. Unless you’ve been living under a rock, you know that Super Mario Bros. is one of the funnest and most popular video games of all time. The story was simple: Two plumbers, enter world, rescue girl, defeat bad guy. Well, this film has little to nothing to do with the game, but it does have that same premise. I guess the writers thought, “Hey! Lets take that premise but not use the same story as the game!” Yeah, brilliant idea. Well you wanna know the differences? Here they are:

   Game: Koopa(or Bowser) is a fire breathing Dragon.
   Movie: He’s a half human/ half reptile version of Frank Booth from Blue Velvet.

   Game:Mario and Luigi are two Italian brothers.
   Movie: Mario and Luigi are brothers, but apparently Mario is also Luigi’s adoptive father. However, Luigi has a Latino accent and Mario has a Brooklyn accent.

   Game: Takes place in Mushroom Kingdom
   Movie: Takes place in Brooklyn and some place called “Dinohattan.”

   There are a hundred more differences but I don’t feel like mentioning every single one. Good God, the animated TV show was better than this cinematic bullsh**.

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4. Acting

   Barely OK 2.0

   Bob Hoskins was actually a pretty good Mario, acting in broad video game style. To think that in an interview he would say this was the worst film he’s ever done. It’s just sad to see him in this crap stain. Dennis Hopper makes a good Koopa, but he probably felt stupid delivering so many stupid lines. I just look at him and say “You were in ‘Apocalypse Now’ you directed ‘Easy Rider’!!! WHAT ARE YOU DOIN’!!!!!!!!” John Leguizamo is just plain bad as Luigi. Maybe if he had an Italian or even a Brooklyn accent I’d speak differently.

5. Male Stars Barely OK 2.0

6. Female Stars Barely OK 2.0

7. Female Costars Barely OK 2.0

8. Male Costars Barely OK 2.0

10. Film

    Pretty Bad 1.5

    The city does actually look kinda cool. The special effects are ok, its all puppets and props. But that alone can’t help it. It suffers from poor dialogue.

11. Direction Pretty Bad 1.5

12. Play Pretty Bad 1.5

13. Music Pretty Bad 1.5

14. Visuals Pretty Bad 1.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.5

    No sexual content except for some lady’s cleavage. No violence either.

17. Sex Titillating 1.6

18. Violence Fierce 1.6

19. Rudeness Polite 1.2

21. Reality

    Fantasy 5.0

    Its based on a video game, what do you expect.

22. Circumstantial Fantasy 5.0

23. Biological Fantasy 5.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0