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Created Jan 10, 2009 10:01PM PST • Edited Jan 10, 2009 10:01PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   I’ll start this off by saying that yes, I did indeed willingly watch a movie called Zombie Strippers. It was more of a gag thing, but how can you resist Jenna Jameson and Robert Englund together in a movie called Zombie Strippers? The simple answer is you can’t. The surprising answer . . . you shouldn’t. This movie was great. It was a lot of fun, filled with sex and gore, had some good laughs and catches you a little off guard. I’ll try to stay objective as it was a very low budget movie and in many ways just a bad movie and the fact that I enjoyed it shouldn’t change the fact that it was bad.

   It is a movie that is very aware of itself and the fact that it is called Zombie Strippers. It never really tries to be anything more than that. It is violent and full of topless chics, but somehow they still squeeze in Nietzsche jokes. Yup, I said Nietzsche. And it was actually kinda funny. The intelligent humor is out there (a guy named Byrdflough spreads the zombie virus), but it never tries to say that it is an intelligent movie. The plot is fairly simple, a weaponized virus created by our government gets out. The site just happens to be next to a strip club (lucky for moviegoers everywhere) and the lead stripper at said club is bit by Byrdflough and turned into a zombie. The sick bastards in the club actually like it and the other girls decide they want to be zombies too. Owner of club likes all the extra money and lets it keep happening. Gets out of control and needs to be shut down. Nothing life changing. Lots of political and social satire in there for those who are looking for it. If not, lots of blood, guts and naked chics to get you by. If you can stand the sex and the violence and just want to watch a really good, bad movie, this is the one for you.

4. Acting

   Very Good 3.5

   I was actually pleasantly surprised by Jenna Jameson. I thought she was going to be just a ham and a half and was going to overact to the point of being awful to watch. Not so. She was fun to watch because it was obvious she was having fun doing it. One of the funniest parts of the movie is when Jenna is chewing on an arm and lifts it up to offer some to the others. The characters are not developed well at all, so they rely on social stereotypes for you to figure out who these people are. It works very well actually. As Jenna walks into the dressing room after her first set, each girl says one thing that lets you know who she is and what part she is going to play in the movie.

   Robert Englund has made his life doing this stuff so he is a natural when it comes down to it. Always fun to watch and only over the top when he needs to be.

   The supporting cast is just passable at best. They come in, say their lines and move on. Z Squad (those brought in to kill the zombies) were almost painful to watch sometimes, but their part was minimal so its easy to dust them off.

5. Male Stars Great 4.0

6. Female Stars Really Great 4.5

7. Female Costars Pretty Bad 1.5

8. Male Costars Pretty Bad 1.5

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    Very low budget, but surprisingly good special effects overall. There are some really bad CGI spots and some even worse makeup effect. But the ones that they spent time on look great. There is one zombie who spends his time with his jaw pulled off hanging by one strand. Practical makeup that actually looked pretty cool. The makeup on the girls as they slowly decay was very good too – and surprisingly accurate. The fingers even start to turn black as the circulation has stopped and the flesh is starting to die. This movie is as good as B movies get, and much better than it has any right to be.

11. Direction OK 2.5

12. Play Really Great 4.5

    Surprisingly well written and funny. The delivery is really bad in some spots, but thats the acting, not the writing.

13. Music OK 2.5

    I remember music when the girls are dancing. . . . but that’s about it.

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5

    The good outweighs the bad here, as long as you realize that this is a B movie.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Obscene 5.0

    Wow, um . . . .yeah. There’s a little bit of everything in here. And by a little bit I mean a lot a bit. And by a lot a bit, I mean the movie is called Zombie Strippers for crying out loud.

17. Sex Explicit 5.0

    One or two suggestive sex scenes, otherwise just lots of topless girls and zombies (I’m classifying zombies differently as to not offend any zombies that may be reading this review). Some full frontal as well (again, girls and zombies).

18. Violence Monstrous 5.0

    Yup, over the top. Brains, blood, guts, bones, tendons, muscle, etc, etc. All ripped apart, blown apart, spattered on the wall, on the girls, everywhere. You name it, its done.

19. Rudeness Vile 5.0

    Lots of language. Name calling, innuendos, stuff like that.

21. Reality

    Fantasy 5.0

    Put aside the zombie thing for just a second. Take a look first at the fact that a top secret government biological testing facility is next to a strip club and you’ll start to see where this movie stands. Now there are social commentaries and personalities and ideas that are very much real, but it all takes place outside of the real. Just as all good stories, its a heightened reality to relay a basic message.

    Also look at the fact that dudes actually like watching dead chics strip. . . .actually that may not be too far off reality. I’ve met some sick people in my time and since this movie takes place a little in the future, maybe all those sick dudes I have met end up by chance in this same club. I’ll go with that theory.

22. Circumstantial Fantasy 5.0

23. Biological Fantasy 5.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0