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Created Dec 27, 2008 02:20PM PST • Edited May 02, 2021 12:56AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Good 3.0

   Valkyrie is an ultimate Nazi movie hamstrung by a lack of Germans: As victors, the Americans and British get to write the history of WWII, but they should at least have used Teutonic actors for this German Army story. Instead Allies play Krauts in Bryan Singer’s movie, complete with more British accents than you’ll find at the Oxford Union. It’s bizarre and nearly undoes an otherwise great movie.

   Still, ultimate Nazi movie is ultimate Nazi movie. So we’re not exactly talking chopped liver here (to phrase it in a way that Der Führer wouldn’t appreciate). The noble assassination attempt on Hitler that the movie portrays could have changed history for the better, saving millions of lives in the process. As it happens, this movie helps Claus von Stauffenberg and his Valkyrie conspirators salvage some retrospective decency for their beloved yet disgraced German nation.

4. Acting

   OK 2.5

   Tom Cruise – American down to his tighty whities – and a bunch of Brits do credible jobs in a panoply of high tension roles, but it’s kinda like The Boot when it should be Das Boot. Cruise and his fellow producers clearly figured that British and German accents are equally European to gullible American audiences, especially when the foreigners are led by a Hollywood idol. Sadly it doesn’t work, as the ethos of German militarism and martial honor that animates the story simply rings false when articulated by Brits and Yanks.

   Cruise does bear a remarkable resemblance to the real Stauffenberg, as evidenced by the photo at right. Hell, that could be Tom Terrific snapped to attention for Hitler.

5. Male Stars OK 2.5

6. Female Stars OK 2.5

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    Great 4.0

    Casting aside, this is a great film: crisp, vivid, compelling and explosive. The legendary settings alone – including Hitler’s Wolf’s Lair and Berghof retreats – are magically brought to life. The story – long deserving of major cinematic treatment – is well and truly-enough told. This makes the movie a must-see for war and history buffs.

    One subtle high point occurs when propaganda minister Joseph Goebbels fends off an arresting officer by handing him a telephone, the communications device serving as a means of ultimate power, which in Goebbels’ evil hands it most assuredly was.

11. Direction Great 4.0

    Kudos to Bryan Singer, Hollywood casting contrivances aside.

12. Play Great 4.0

13. Music Very Good 3.5

    ‘Ride of the Valkyries’, as its popularly known, by Wagner – Hitler’s favorite composer – ironically provides the name for the movie and underlying plot.

14. Visuals Perfect 5.0

    Wow! No Nazi movie tops this one in recreating the sick glory that was Hitler’s National Socialist Reich. The Wolfsschanze and Berghof are particular highlights.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.3

17. Sex Innocent 1.0

18. Violence Fierce 1.6

19. Rudeness Polite 1.2

21. Reality

    Glib 1.1

    Hitler has always been a comical figure to the generations of American kids born since he nearly destroyed the world. I was reminded of this when a tyke sitting behind me started giggling at the funny looking Adolph on screen. Oh, that the children of today never experience a true life monster like Der Führer.

    The main thing that strikes me about this movie’s reception is that WWII has receded so far in the popular consciousness that the producers are having to go out of their way to sell audiences on what an important story this is. While the Hollywood casting and, in particular, the saga of Tom Cruise – formerly the biggest moviestar in the world – underlie this desultory situation, the fact remains that in a post-WWII, post-Cold War world threatened by Islamic terrorism, Nazis just aren’t the sure fire movie bait they once were.

    To their credit, Cruise and Singer are taking the movie to Germany, where it will receive its most critical assessment. Ideally the Germans – who have been fairly unflinching in coming to terms with their nation’s Nazi era failings – will be able to see past the hokey casting to honestly judge the story beneath.

    Finally, is Claus Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg deserving of the heroic treatment this movie bestows on him, given that he too was an anti-Semite? Yes.

22. Circumstantial Glib 1.4

23. Biological Natural 1.0

24. Physical Natural 1.0