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Created Jul 04, 2008 02:37AM PST • Edited Jul 04, 2008 02:37AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Perfect 5.0

   A movie based on a ride should never be this good. The jokes shouldn’t work this well. Depp shouldn’t have been able to put forth such a solid performance. But it all worked. Every last bit of this movie just…worked. The key, I think, is that it never takes itself too seriously. This movie is fun. Yeah, there is action and love and yadda yadda, but its a fun movie and everyone in it is having a good time. That is where this movie succeeds and the other two fall flat.

4. Acting

   Great 4.0

   Normally, Depp can carry a movie. He did so in Sweeney Todd as well as Finding Neverland (just to name a few off the top of my head). But as incredible as he was in this movie, I am still bugged by Bloom and Knightly. They cannot act nearly as well as everyone seems to believe they can.

5. Male Stars Perfect 5.0

   Perfect, perfect, perfect. Depp is amazing. The character he created in Jack Sparrow is one of the most original on screen personas in the last decade – at least. He as fun to watch from beginning to end because he put so much care into every little detail. Right down to the squint in his eyes and the lift of his upper lip. This is what great actors are capable of.

6. Female Stars Very Good 3.5

   Knightly does what she needs to in order to keep the movie going. She plays the pretty girl with a bit of a wild side decently. She does have a little bit of something that holds your interest, but her acting is just decent.

7. Female Costars Very Good 3.5

   ….don’t think there are any other female roles within the movie. Not that I remember. So this gets the same as Knightly.

8. Male Costars Really Great 4.5

   Geoffry Rush is fantastic as well. He is able to hold his own against Depp with little effort. He is able to feed off Depps energy and creates a character just as solid as Sparrow, and only a little less memorable.

   Orlando Bloom is not a great actor. Good? Sure. But he really doesn’t have that big a range of emotion. His happy looks a lot like his sad. His angry? Kinda like his happy. And therefore like his sad as well. Eventually he’ll develop the passion that will push him into the realm of great I’m sure.

10. Film

    Really Great 4.5

    This movie was just damn pretty. The costumes, the ships, the locations, all looked great. And it actually looked a lot like the ride, so that’s gotta say something about the original Disney designers from all those years ago.

11. Direction Perfect 5.0

    Verbinski put forth a fun, action filled, funny movie based on a ride. We get more than a couple really memorable shots that stick in your mind. Kinda hard to believe this is the guy who did Mousehunt and the Mexican (the most boring movie in existence). He really stepped up his game with this flick, but I’m sure Bruckheimer had more than a little to do with that.

12. Play Really Great 4.5

    The dialect (british) is a bit off when coming from certain spots, and sometimes comes off as a little stereotypical, but that’s the fun of it. Knightly and Bloom naturally have accents, but I think they came off as the weakest.

13. Music Perfect 5.0

    Terrific music. Very scene elevating. We’ve got the classic pirates them that is instantly recognizable. Good stuff.

14. Visuals Perfect 5.0

    The ships were awesome. The ghost pirates were fantastic. The costumes, the sword fights, the battles at see – all were amazing. Incredibly cool to see that stuff set to film. This is one of the first movies I will be buying on Blue Ray for my 1080p HD flat screen tv.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.4

    Fairly tame. Some innuendos, but not much. Fighting, but not terribly graphic by any means.

17. Sex Innocent 1.4

18. Violence Gentle 1.4

19. Rudeness Polite 1.4

21. Reality

    Fantasy 5.0

    Two words – ghost pirates. Sorry, that’s not gonna happen. Cool as it was to see, it is fantasy at its best. I’m pretty sure the movements and such they got out of the ships was a little unrealistic as well. Not that I’m a sailor by any means, but I’m pretty sure they are a bit more limited than that.

22. Circumstantial Fantasy 5.0

23. Biological Fantasy 5.0

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0