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Created Aug 29, 2014 05:44AM PST • Edited Aug 29, 2014 05:44AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Really Great 4.5

   Guardians of the Galaxy: “who?” The Guardians of the Galaxy, man! Come on!

   6 months ago message boards spelled Guardians of the Galaxy as the single biggest risk of the marvel pantheon. Featuring low-tier characters, a sillier plot than most (read: not cookie cutter like the previous “superhero takes on supervillain and wins” motif of the Thor films), mostly untested actors (save for the voice work of bradley cooper and vin diesel), no recurring avengers characters, a director whose biggest hit thus far was a gore-soaked horror comedy called “slither” (actually one of my favorites also, have i not reviewed that yet?), and an August release date that spelled a lack of confidence in the final product. Lo and behold, the plot thickens…

   6 months later:
   Guardians of the Galaxy is a household name. Rocket Raccoon toys and dancing groot lawn ornaments (seriously search etsy, i have one in wish list) are hot commodities, Chris Pratt shot immediately up to the a-list, James Gunn stands alongside Joss Whedon as the “names” of the Marvel Comics Universe, reviews were stellar, adn the film by friday will surpass Captain America as the highest grossing film of 2014 thus far (and the highest grossing NOT IRON MAN OR AVENGERS FILM.) Marvel took a chance, hit the ground running, and delivered the perhaps the best comic book movie yet. Surprised? Very! But damn if Guardians of the Galaxy isn’t the most pleasant surprise and thoroughly enjoyable film of summer 2014.

4. Acting

   Really Great 4.5

   Chris Pratt-Star Lord/Peter Quill: What is there to say about his role as Star-Lord/Peter quill? He was nobody’s first choice and yet he personifies a character so wholly that even in dark moments he generates enough charm and heart to resonate with even the most jaded viewer. Much like his Guardians stable-mate Bradley Cooper, he was a supporting character that simply needed his chance to break through (and with this, lego movie, a sequel to Guardians, and the upcoming Jurassic World i sense longevity). From his first moments on screen hes a commanding presence that is a pleasure to watch go thru his arc.
   Dave Bautista-drax the destroyer: while i may not exactly be completely convinced that Bautista is going to follow in the footsteps of dwayne johnson and become a major star for years to come, I can honestly say that he nailed the role of Drax. His role may be considered the least charismatic by most, but the injected subtle humor and the fact that his natural charisma comes out into the character allows for me to openly admit that Bautista did wonderfully. “Nothing flies over my head. My reflexes are too fast. I would catch it.”
   Zoe Saldana-Gamora: The prerequisite female? Not the case. Gamora may have the saddest story of all of the characters and the strangest character arc of the film. An assassin of Ronan and adopted daughter of Thanos, victim of genocide to her race and raised for the sole purpose of killing, Saldana was built for this kind of role and as per usual she does so beautifully.
   Vin Diesel-Groot: hands down my favorite character of the film. With three words and simple sounds Vin diesel conveys more gravitas than nearly any actor ever could. The heart of the movie belongs to this character, a sentient tree like being who has seemingly innumerable powers and by the end of the movie may just make you shed tears (earlier from laughter and later because he truly is the heart of the film.)
   Bradley Cooper-Rocket Raccon: a talking raccon may not work, they said. Thats getting a bit ridiculous, they said. Who’s laughing now? The MCU, James Gunn, and voice actor Bradley Cooper, nearly unrecognizeable as Rocket (unless you pay close attention to his vocal inflections, that was my giveaway). If Groot is the heart, Rocket is the soul. A rollicking rampaging angry with a sly sense of humor having character who knows exactly what is necessary to get what he wants. No wonder every boy in america wants a rocket raccoon…hes awesome!

   With Lee Pace as Ronan the accuser, Karen Gillan as Nebula, and also featuring Josh Brolin, Benecio Del Toro, Michael Rooker, John C Reilly (what!?), djimon hounsou, and more!!! (seriously, you could write a lengthy list of the cameos here).

5. Male Stars Really Great 4.5

6. Female Stars Really Great 4.5

7. Female Costars Really Great 4.5

8. Male Costars Really Great 4.5

10. Film

    Perfect 5.0

    Its hard to believe from watching Guardians of the Galaxy that James Gunn got his start writing (and ghost directing) for Troma films. In some of his earlier work (notably Super), you can feel the Troma sensibilities stepping forth even through a much more solid and mainstream eye. Was Gunn the perfect man for this job? Nary a doubt the moment reviews came out. With one fell swoop, Mr. James Gunn has become a household name and one of Marvel’s “go-to” (and if your name is currently mentioned alongside joss whedon at the moment, youre in good company). Everything from the production design to the direction, the visual effects (whih on rocket and groot particularly are a spectacle unto itself) to the soundtrack (hooked on a feeling in the commercials? why not!?), the length of the film coming in at just a hair over 2 hours to the casting…this movie radiates brilliance and are all hands being put together to create a cohesive whole. every scene left me wanting more, which is a big deal to say in the age of extinction (oh wait, thats transformers.ugh.)

11. Direction Perfect 5.0

12. Play Perfect 5.0

13. Music Perfect 5.0

14. Visuals Perfect 5.0
15. Content

16. Edge

    Sordid 2.9

    Lets be honest here, the beginning nearly hits “up” levels of tear inducing sadness. so when the break happens and we open to a heist and a shoot-out, were elated just to get that relief! But the movie rarely lets up, from fistfight to gunfight to space battle, the actions comes fast and furious (how many films will i reference in this review?) and whilst maintaining that gloriously mainstream pg-13, does hit some notes that make me think “I’m not sure if my 6 year old will understadn that”. A few jokes that are of a slight sexual nature, some choice words that hint at much more violent and depraved lifestyles (rocket’s story nearly makes you cringe if you picture it), and a shock third act lot twist that will leave people spinning in their seats (thankfully even that comes with a sweet relief so as not to remain too jarring for too long). This movie is nothing too shocking or profane, but some younger viewers may take heed in a few moments.

17. Sex Titillating 2.5

18. Violence Brutal 3.1

19. Rudeness Profane 3.0

21. Reality

    Supernatural 3.2

    an 8 years old boy is abducted by aliens because (SPOILER BLUR!!!) and grows up to be an intergalactic conman and thief working for a blue skinned fella. He meets up in space jail after a large altercation in a public square over an all powerful orb where he meets a green skinned lady assassin, a 9 ft tall tree creature, a seemingly indestructible muscleman, and a gun toting raccoon. Forming an unlikely alliance, they strive to take out an alien named “Ronan” and his squad of assassins and henchmen to attain the very same orb. Teaming with the space fuzz (ok ok nova corps!!!) the “guardians of the galaxy” take down the rogue Kree and put a stop to the nefarious plans of an even bigger threat, relegating the master plan for another day. As newfound friends and allies with a less uneasy bond, they set out for more hijinks in the stars.

    Coming soon to lifetime ;-)

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 3.7

23. Biological Surreal 3.0

24. Physical Surreal 3.0