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Created May 04, 2013 09:41PM PST • Edited May 04, 2013 09:43PM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Good 3.0

   One of the biggest bombs in recent history and maybe one of the worst bombs in the history of Disney, I actually liked this. I must admit I read 2 of the John Carter books in my 20’s but it works as an escapist movie. It’s not meant to be “Citizen Kane” and it doesn’t try to be. As I was watching this I kept thinking of George Lucas’ Star Wars prequel and how they were missing the one element that made the first one so great.

   Fun.

   I know some people are going to think I’m a nimrod for coming out and admitting I liked it, but I don’t care. The special effects are amazing and the voice work, especially by Willem Dafoe and Samantha Morton, doing the voices for large green Martians, is quite good.

4. Acting

   OK 2.5

   Taylor Kitsch, is quite wooden but sort of grows into the part as things proceed. Lynn Collins, as Dejah Thoris, sounds very regal while managing to look trashy in a very 50’s sci fi “Monga, Queen of Mars” kind of way. Okay, I just made up that title, but you know what I mean. As mentioned, the voice work for the big green thingies is quite good.

5. Male Stars OK 2.5

6. Female Stars OK 2.5

7. Female Costars OK 2.5

8. Male Costars OK 2.5

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    The real star of this movie is the visual aspect. Andrew Stanton, who directed “Finding Nemo” for Pixar is at the helm here and the computer graphics are quite stunning. Although the film is a little much at times, the graphics really make it worth sitting through. And the big goofy Martian dog(or Barsoomian, I should say) is quite amazing.

11. Direction Very Good 3.5

12. Play Very Good 3.5

13. Music Very Good 3.5

14. Visuals Very Good 3.5
15. Content

16. Edge

    Tame 1.5

17. Sex Innocent 1.5

    Very little sex but Dejah Thoris is quite the babe and I’m sure Taylor Kitsch does it for the ladies.

18. Violence Fierce 1.9

    For a live action/computer animation spectacle, there is violence but mostly cartoonish in nature.

19. Rudeness Polite 1.0

21. Reality

    Natural 1.0

22. Circumstantial Natural 1.0

23. Biological Natural 1.0

24. Physical Natural 1.0