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Created May 24, 2009 03:14PM PST • Edited Aug 26, 2011 07:51AM PST

1. Quality

2. Summary

   Very Good 3.5

   A seriously cheesy course in death and dying delivered in High Comik style, TS operates as a hard slog through one well done set piece after another. This becomes rather turgid after a while, though the steel gray visuals remain mordantly engaging. Fortunately there are no gray ladies in the cast, as Moon Bloodgood and her sister castmates compensate for the Borg-like sameness of the wooden leading men.

   All in all, count this a respectable installment in the Terminator series, leaving the door open to more sequels from the same principals.

4. Acting

   Very Good 3.5

   Actresses rule in this movie.

   • Moon Bloodgood: perfect name, perfect face, perfect voice, perfect tomboy. She’d proven herself as a lovable sidekick in Eight Below, and now has proven herself as one tough hombre. Taken together, she deserves to be a major star.
   • Jane Alexander and Helena Bonham Carter deliver copious gravitas and femme fatality respectively, while young newcomer Jadagrace evokes mute pathos with her cherubic face and angelic eyes.

   The actors, OTOH, are largely devoid of charisma and distinction.

   • Christian Bale barely emotes, even when letting out a primal scream. Seriously, this guy is the most overrated leading man since the heyday of Keanu Reeves.
   • Sam Worthington, gifted a great role as tragic guinea pig, comes across as a generic stud, kind of like a second rate Ryan Reynolds.
   • Anton Yelchin – alone amongst the guys – delivers a distinctive performance as John Connor’s prospective father. Coming on top of his fun and engaging Checkov in the new Star Trek, Yelchin has marked himself as an actor of note.

   Then there’s the original Terminator himself, who appears in what seems to be a CGI version of his Mr. Universe era birthday-suited body. When he once said “I’ll be back,” who knew he’d be in the buff? Maybe Cal-ee-forn-ya is so broke he can’t afford a costume.

5. Male Stars Barely OK 2.0

   Bale & Worthington

6. Female Stars Really Great 4.5

   Moon Bloodgood

7. Female Costars Great 4.0

   Jane Alexander, Helena Bonham Carter, & Jadagrace

8. Male Costars Very Good 3.5

   Anton Yelchin & Common

10. Film

    Very Good 3.5

    The movie spins several interesting scenarios, including the Frankenstein-like melding of man and machine, a reasonably fresh take on war between man and machine, and the philosophical conundrum of time travel.

    Part of the movie’s fascination are the classic elements from action movies of yore that director McG inserts.

    • From The Great Escape: Motorcycle jumping to freedom.
    • From T1: “I’ll be back” gets a reprise.
    • From various Holocaust movies: Humans get shipped off to industrialized slaughter facilities.
    • From Mad Max: Post-Armageddon survivors and renegades.

11. Direction Great 4.0

12. Play Good 3.0

13. Music Very Good 3.5

14. Visuals Really Great 4.5

    Many critics have critized the movie’s monochromatic pallet, though not this critic, who judges it classically effective art design.

    Amongst other strong visuals, the movie makes great use of the A-10 Warthog, perhaps the most underplayed fighter in the history of cinematic aerial warfare.

15. Content

16. Edge

    Risqué 1.6

    Comik violence: minimal bloodshed amidst overwhelming carnage. However, the palpable dread of human persecution looms large.

17. Sex Innocent 1.2

18. Violence Fierce 2.0

19. Rudeness Salty 1.6

21. Reality

    Fantasy 4.2

    Bale’s John Connor takes more than a licking and keeps on ticking, as action movie heroes must.

    More troubling is the sloppy imagining of human flesh and organs grafted onto robotic innards. How does the organic organism receive sustenance and dispose of waste? Most especially, why don’t the wounded and bloody edges of the human body get infected or gangrenous?

    The anthropomorphic imagining of the cyborgs – demonic red eyes and all – works from an art direction POV but deeply disappoints from an engineering one. Plus the industrial production and distribution of these incredible machines would challenge even Apple, the current champion of large scale consumer design and engineering.

    Finally, the eclectic mix of high and low tech is often laughably absurd.

22. Circumstantial Supernatural 4.0

23. Biological Supernatural 3.7

24. Physical Fantasy 5.0